i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
