He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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