if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
