We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
