Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
