i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
