Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
