He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
