found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
