Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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