so let's talk penis.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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