I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
