hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize