There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
