He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
