Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
