pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
