I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
