For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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