i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
