and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
