i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
