He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
