watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
