ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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