Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
