Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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