Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
