dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
