3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
