she looked like the before picture.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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