I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
