Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
