I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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