my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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