i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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