i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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