Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
