so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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