First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
