Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
