I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
