I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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