So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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