he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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