And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
