i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
