i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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