someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
