Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
