If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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