don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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