She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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