remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
