You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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