dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
