Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
