Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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