we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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