FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
