apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
