my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
