Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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