You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
