I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
