He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
