legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
