I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
