How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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