Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
