Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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