so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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