i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
