This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
