I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
