I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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